Why The Baton Rouge DMV Sucks Monkey Balls

baton rouge dmvIt’s really known as the Louisiana OMV, or Office of Motor Vehicles, but we all call it the DMV. Here are my solid top ten reasons why the DMV in Baton Rouge on Independence sucks monkey balls:

  1. Hours of operation: 8:00 to 4:00. Really? Almost all of us work until 5:00, unless you work for the state that is. Since most tax payers are working until well after the DMV closes, we have to skip work to stand in a line. If you were creating a business model with profits in mind, wouldn’t you be open until at least 8:00 P.M.?
  2. Gangster attitude. Have you ever gone to the DMV, to be greeted with a happy smile and a welcoming handshake? Me neither! Get your chicken neck moves ready if you’re going to the DMV.
  3. Go to the other line. That’s what you will hear after you have been waiting in one line for two hours, only to hear that you need to shuttle over to another line. Don’t think it happens? You must be lucky.
  4. 50 windows, 45 of them closed. It almost reminds you of WalMart doesn’t it? All of these windows where workers are supposed to be helping people, but no workers to man them.
  5. Looks like a prison. Have you ever watched the people around you at the DMV? Does it kind of remind you of the prison population?
  6. Worst photographers ever. Look at your driver’s license. Are you really that ugly in person? Does the DMV hire photographers from the parish prison?
  7. What’s that smell? I have never been to the DMV in Baton Rouge where I am greeted with pleasant, or even neutral, odors. It smells like the funk!
  8. More money! Do you really think that you can just walk in to get your license renewed and simply pay the renewal fee? I doesn’t happen. They will claim that you forgot to pay some ticket or fine in the past. By the time you leave you will be broke.
  9. They’re zombies. State workers have no reason to provide real customer service. They will be paid the same amount, and get the same 60 paid days off a year, regardless of how crappy their service is. They don’t get bonuses, they don’t get rated like you and I, and they flat out don’t care.
  10. Last, but definitely not least, be prepared to waste your entire day. You can’t go to the DMV in Baton Rouge expecting to take care of business in a hurry to return to work. It’s an all day affair. If you are stupid enough to wait until around lunch time to go there, you better pack a tent!

Yep, the Baton Rouge DMV office sucks. Monkey balls even. If you don’t like the taste of moneky balls, here are some less musty places to go to instead:

  • OMV Express on the corner of Perkins and Siegen in Baton Rouge. Just make sure you get there early. Everyone waits until lunch time, and if you do you are screwed.
  • OMV in Port Allen near the court house. Still ghetto, but at least it’s country ghetto, and the lines aren’t bad at all.
  • OMV in Denham Springs. Redneck ghetto, but worth the three wheeler ride.

So what do you think? Do you like monkey balls, or maybe you want to defend the OMV in Baton Rouge because your baby’s daddy works there?

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